The Transformation Agenda you didn't know about

I can confirm that this government is working hard to change the bad impression people have of them in my neighbourhood. 

Unbelievable as it may sound, we now have light frequently. The only snag is that it lasts between 5 and 10 minutes. But, that cannot be an entirely bad thing. The situation is forcing us to live healthy as we get to exercise willy-nilly. 

Every 5 or 10 minutes, you have to stand up and take a walk or jog to the back of the house to put off the generator and walk or jog back. The very moment you sit down, the light is gone and you start the cycle all over again. 

For upper body exercise, you get to pull and push the change-over lever up and down all day long. Some of us now have the prospects of spotting the strong biceps of Inyanya without visiting a gym. 

That's the real Transformation!

Funny Governor Ayo

Ekiti State Governor, Ayo Fayose

The way Booda Ayo of Ekiti is spending money on Uncle Jona’s re-election campaign, you would think the state has a bottomless purse. Front page ads and Wrap-arounds in Tier 1 newspapers personally signed off by him nearly on a daily basis. To place one of those nor be moin moin, fa.

And then, you go inside the paper and find a story of Ekiti State University lecturers declaring strike because they were last paid any salary last year. 

Booda Ayo yi funny gan an ni!

Arik shocks Aviation minister

Arik gave Aviation Minister, Osita Chidoka, their famous bitter pill on March 9. Unaware he was on the flight, they rescheduled it at the 11th hour and messed up his appointments in Lagos.

What I find commendable in it all is the discipline to refrain from throwing his weight around to have his way like they all do.

One of the problems we have in Nigeria is that govt officials create a little heaven for themselves out of the hell that the rest of us have to endure. So the impetus to change things is not really there.

In rowdy departure halls with malfunctioning central ACs, they sit in cosy VIP lounges with split unit ACs. When others waste hours standing by an 'ogbanje' conveyor belt, they have their aides pick up their luggage directly from the aircraft.

When people sit in hellish traffic, their armed escorts blast a passage for them, flogging and pushing motorists off the road. When millions languish in poverty, they create bubbles of stupendous wealth around themselves and their families.

So, really, why would they want a change?

Who wants okada back?

The gimmicks of Jimi. Riding okada to a rally was somebody’s big idea in 2015? I think this gimmick is coming late in the day. Many of those who opposed okada ban on major highways in those days have had adequate time to compare the chaos of yore and with the relative order of today. Most won’t want a throw back! Certainly not me.

The roads still retaining okadas are Lagos' most unappealing. Has anybody been to Mile 2 by Fatgbems/NNPC filling stations of late? I was there on Saturday. It is a living nightmare. Apparently, the police aren’t enforcing the ban around there. As a pedestrian, you cannot find a safe place to cross the Expressway. Every inch of the road is taken up by okada riders soliciting passengers. Motorists have to be extra careful to navigate without knocking over a cyclist. Then, I recall the madness of okadas taking one-way on the Lagos-Abeokuta Expressway in those mad days. SMH.

That menace is exactly what someone who wants to win an election shouldn’t be associating with. 

Brooms appear on top of Agbaje's posters

 Politicians get time, sha. Did you guys notice that a broom has emerged overnight on top of every Jimi Agbaje poster on the median of the 22km long 3rd Mainland Bridge? Yeah, that's right. Every single one of them. When you think you have found one without a broom, just look below, you will find that the broom fell...

JK isn't gonna be OK with that, I'm sure!

Filling station trick busted!

Ever had this experience? 

You drive into a filling station. You tell the attendant, how much you want to buy. He begins to sell and then stops at a figure, say N1000 and returns the nozzle to the pump. You then tell him, “I said N5000.” He says “Sorry, I thought you said N1000.”

You shrug. He removes the pump again from the pump, and the display is wiped off. He now proceeds to sell to you the outstanding balance.

It doesn’t matter how loudly you shout the amount you want to buy the first time, they still do it. I had always wondered why they do that nonsense until last Tuesday at Mobil by Otedola Bridge on the Lagos Ibadan Exp Way. 

I told the gentleman to fill the tank. He put the nozzle into my car's fuel tank and stopped at N1000 and returned the nozzle to the pump. I was annoyed and it was obvious. I told him I wasn’t buying again. He panicked and told me to relax and that he hadn’t sold anything. He now proceeded to sell me exactly  the amount I wanted. 

In essence, the N1000 that first appeared on the display was phony. He panicked because he thought if I decided to leave at that point when all he had sold to me was hot air, I would have noticed once I looked at my fuel gauge. And he thought it was better to confess and have me quietly leave.

Apparently, when they want to play this trick, they have a way of getting the pump to read to a predetermined figure without selling anything. When you protest that that is not the amount you want to buy, they now proceed to sell the balance to you properly. In essence, you have been shortchanged by the amount they pretend to have first sold to you.

So guys watch out!