Sunday, April 23, 2006

Lucky mistake

Published in Off the cuff in Nigerian Tribune
On account of the incredibly good fortune inadvertently visited on a young lady by an official of MTN recently, it pays to include this item of prayer in your prayer points. “Lord confuse and confound GSM operators to favour me.”
The young woman, Miss Chinenye Onyema was minding her business and doing what all young women do, which I presume included flashing the living daylight out of every person whose name appears in her phone-book. Then suddenly, a call was put through to her by an MTN official, saying she had become a proud owner of a brand new Kia Optima.
The girl reacted like any girl her age would at such news, vis-à-vis, “it’s a lie! Are you serious? S-c-r-e-a-m!!!.” Of course, she no doubt immediately flashed her dad, mum and boyfriend to share the news.
It is all so good. The snag was, it was not her number that the MTN official announcing the winner of the “MTN’s Y’ello Season Promo” meant to call. He meant to call 0806 543 4897, but because, I suspect, Miss Onyeama had very early in the morning prayed an MFM prayer point “Lord, cause the high and mighty to commit errors to favour me this day”, the MTN official could not help calling out instead 0803-543-4897.
Realizing the error and the potential embarrassment this might cause the girl in question and the company, the yellow people had to deep their hands further into their yellow pocket and pay for another car.
Regardless of who intervened or who did not, in the end, the original winner, Mr. Isaac Dike got his brand new Kia and the luckier girl also got her unsolicited , unexpected gift of a brand new Kia.
Are you listening, somebody? It is your turn. You have suffered long enough. It is your turn to shine. I can see it happening to you already. Pray this prayer with holy aggression and you will see wonders.
Say after me: “Oh Lord, as from today, cause any announcer of a promo grand prize to stutter, stammer and babble until and unless they call out my name” Oya, what are you waiting for?
419 again
I experienced some fairly long period of respite from Nigerian fraudsters who bombarded my email and phones with their now popular unsolicited messages. But about a week ago, one dumb soul thought I had had enough respite and called me early in the morning. As usual the number was withheld.
“Hello, bawo ni? “ the chap launched into Yoruba at once, without first finding out what tongue I spoke. Apparently, this was a gamble meant to boost his chance of success if it turned out that the receiver of the call was Yoruba. It was meant to lure the receiver into a false sense of security that the caller knew him well. But if it turned out I did not speak Yoruba, the chap would just drop the call without any further word and try his game on somebody else.
“Emi ni o, lati lu oyinbo” he said, meaning it is me o, from abroad. I knew it was a fraudster at once and played along.
“Ha Uncle Taju, eku ojo meta. Awon omo nko?” I said. Translated, that means UncleTaju, long time How are the children.”. He was pleased with the name I gave him. He said he was okay And the children were fine too. Before I could say anything else he launched into what he wanted me to do for him since it had appeared that he would not be able to come home as he had earlier planned. That too was meant to cut me short from asking some questions that might expose him as not being the genuine Uncle Taju.
He said somebody was in Nigeria with a package containing a Nokia camera phone among other goodies and that I should call him immediately. He gave the man’s name as Pastor Ademola Ajayi and his number as 0806 311 0057. I sounded very grateful to my beloved uncle and offered profuse prayers which I meant to elongate the talk time and decimate the fraudster’s credit. One long minute later I was still praying for him. He probably read my mind and cut the conversation before I could do too much damage. I have not heard from him and his pastor friend ever since, though he promised to call in one hour to find out how things went. Dumb soul!
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